It goes without saying that I’m definitely more comfortable behind the camera than I am in front of it, which sorta kinda sucks. It seems to come with the territory that if you’re a blogger, to be successful, your Instagram and blog theme need to resemble a magazine. It’s 14:40 in Brisbane as I write this from the end of my Airbnb bed, fighting the urge to roll over and fall asleep because I actually woke up before 9am for the first time in weeks.
Photography, writing and Instagramming were all things I couldn’t wait for when I booked a one way ticket to Australia. The beautiful beaches; the architecture; and the all round experience made it perfect to step up my game in all three aspects. Now, I’ve admired travel accounts for as long as I can remember, and although becoming a ‘professional Instagrammer’ has never been part of my job prospects, I knew it would be pretty awesome to create a memorable portfolio.
So, every time we head to the beach or to somewhere picturesque, I see it as an opportunity for a mini photoshoot. I find my favourite outfits; do my hair; make an effort with my make up; and walk out of the house with some form of new found confidence. I mean, how hard can it actually be to pose for a photograph? But for some reason, being a ‘poser’ just doesn’t come naturally to me. I’ve just spent around an hour trying to find something remotely post-worthy to use on a blog post, and absolutely none of them were anyway near acceptable. Plus, wearing a basic t-shirt with denim shorts isn’t going to capture anyone’s attention, my hair is often a mess because of the windy beaches, and I can’t pose for shit.
On the morning I published this post – Friday the 9th February to be exact, Jack went for an interview in Brisbane; meaning I had some needed time to myself for the first time in three whole months. I grabbed the tripod; my camera; squeezed into skinny jeans (which isn’t easy when you are burnt to a pulp), and posed away. I took loads. Only two pictures were blog worthy and even now I’m questioning whether or not I like them. It took just half an hour before I gave up. I changed back into my comfy clothes, let my hair down and scrolled through Instagram for another half hour – before I came back to this draft.
The thing is; I’m an awkward person and perhaps somewhat self conscious. I have no idea how to stand; how to look; how to smile – do I smile? Or do anything even remotely cool. But I’ve learnt to accept that this is the person I am. I’m my worst critique and I can spot my imperfections a mile off. I have one eye that closes more than the other; my jeans provide me with a muffin top; I’m spotty and my teeth are bigger than my face.
In the world of social media, we are all bombarded by beautiful fashion; luxury settings; incredible photography and perfectly edited pictures – and it’s difficult to understand that this isn’t the ‘norm’. Really, I’m a normal 22 year old Mancunian girl, travelling the world with her boyfriend, whilst trying to make something out of a hobby – taking it too seriously in the process. I’m confident that the content I produce is good enough, but I know my imagery frequently let’s me down. I’m not a glamorous person and I’ve never been the girl who poses on nights out – I genuinely prefer happier having a mess around in front of the camera with Jack.
As much as I’d love to have a beautiful blog and Instagram like all of my favourite social media influencers, it isn’t going to happen any time soon. I hope that one day I’m able to feel confident enough to actually be featured more in pictures; but for now, it’s important to do ‘me’ and create content that I enjoy!